and let it be
First, my appreciation for Carissa’s beautiful writing. Thanks to her creative work, I discovered Substack and Paul Bloom, a very kind and captivating psychologist in my opinion. Together, Carissa and Paul proposed a different lens to look at our human endeavor and for me, it’s a blessing that we receive from other people.
I didn’t want my first post to be about an ending of something but here I am in the middle of this human feeling, melancholy mixed with optimism. I hope it helps anyone who is going through something similar.
A relationship came to an end and I didn’t see it coming. How could there be no discussions, no working-on-the- issue-together prior to the string of words was uttered: “… I can’t commit right now…” Whatever the reason was, it’s not important.
It’s not that it wasn’t the outcome I would have wanted; I’ve seen the red flags yet wanted to give it some time to see how things develop. Gosh, I’m a good fortune-teller who didn’t have a big enough courage to trust her guts to decide sooner.
Saw a post on Insta from Vex King today saying something along the line of “don’t regret being nice to them even if they are not right for us”, don’t question whether we’re too stupid to recognize their game, to put our trust in them. Yes, how could you fault yourself for being loving and giving it all in a relationship? After all, don’t relationships take work? Maybe, it takes work but not that much work that comes one-sidedly.
That post made me feel good but why did tears surge, one streak after another? I surrendered and let them tears roll. But we can’t go on being nice and getting hurt repeatedly as some of us might be wounded. I for one am experiencing a little dreadful feeling that is also mixed with excitement knowing that I need to resume dating at some point because that is the only way to go forward with. It is my chosen suffering, an endeavor of both pain and pleasure according to Paul Bloom, in my journey of searching for meaning.
If you’re experiencing, as I like to call it “ a little uncomfortable feeling” rather than a “heartbreak”, I hope you cherish the feeling that we’re going through it together that we’re not alone in this human journey. And let’s face it we ain’t broken. Our heart is one resilient muscle.
I also discovered there is a community of resilient lovers who keep on loving and supporting each other. The existence of this site and spreadsheet is a testament to the sweetest thing we share in our human journey of finding love for ourselves. That gives me hope, again.